childhood pearls

Recently, Maxine has had lapses in her schoolwork. Jun has been griping about how she has been missing out on doing her own homework.
Standard reply, "Oh, I forgot."
His retort, "How can that be? You yourself wrote that down in your notebook just today."
A mere shrug of the shoulders would be the reply followed by, "Sorry."
Jun is exasparated. Now, he patrols all her notebooks like a hawk. Her Nintendo DS playing privileges have been suspended.
Now, Jun is hoping for me to talk some sense into Maxine. Sigh!

What did my own mother tell me? Not much really, it was in how she did things.
Back in 6th grade, I came home with my report card and showed it to her. Modesty aside, all my grades were above 90 except for Math which was 89. My mother took notice of my 89 above all. I was deflated and felt resentment...why can't I ever do enough? It just drove me on further to do better and I must say that I did.

In retrospect now, I figure I can use my mom's tactic but I will do it with so much more finesse.
I was just on the phone with Maxine.
"Anak, I heard that you did a great job with your quizzes. Papa said that you mostly had just a mistake or none. I know you are such a smart girl and you work hard."
"Thank you, mama." I can hear her preening.
Maneuver one. Heap tonnes of praise first. Build confidence and pride for work.

"Papa did say that you were missing out on your homework on two or three occasions already. That does not sound like you. Make sure that you have finished your work ha. I don't understand your excuse that you forgot. Keep focused, anak. You are better than that. Do you have any problems? You know papa and I are always here for you."
Maneuver two. Then point out what needs to be improved and offer suggestions.

"For now, I am sorry sweetheart. But no Nintendo muna talaga until you get your act together. Once I see that you are able to do your work well then you'll get to play that again. I wish you see that papa and I only want you to become what we know you can be because you are a smart girl but you have to work hard. Matalino ka man pero kung hindi ka magsisipag, kulang ang talino, anak."
Maneuver three. Inject the pearls that need emphasis.

"I love you Maxine. Papa loves you too. We only want what's best for all of you. You are such a great girl. I know you can do this. You always make us proud."
Maneuver four. Reiterate good qualities, build support and confidence. Establish that she is loved.

It is so much harder being a parent now. There is a lot more talking and feeling and negotiations nowadays as kids are indeed more savvy. Gone are the days when my mom would only give me a knowing look and that will be enough to stop me dead in my tracks.