Monday, May 21, 2007

communing with others

Being far away from home, there is a prayer I say each day.
Lord, I pray that you keep me busy and focused, and I thank you Lord for giving me these challenges and yet rewarding me the strength and peace of mind to deal with them.

Working in intensive care here has certainly tested my limits. It is not only the endless sleepless hours (especially when on call...one has to stay in-hospital for about 26 hours), but also the consuming process of piecing together a patient's multitude of signs and symptoms and then giving the timely care and treatment. The responsibility does not end there. As fellows, we have to talk to parents and tell them in the simplest terms possible about their baby's most complicated problem which we ourselves have only began to fathom. English is not my first language. Imagine the struggle I have at times for words in order to explain things. Having said this, I have learned that communication, in whatever form, is key.
Once, having been on call and with a baby who was surely dying, I talked his parents through the whole process..medical gibberish flowing from my mouth.
I felt pain for his parents but at the same time felt release for him. Enough of his suffering. It was quiet at the end. I felt all talked out, literally drained. But I stood by them, my arms out to his mother who I felt needed no more words. The silence more powerful in relating empathy and compassion, providing a cloak of solidarity with them. I muttered a quick prayer as we comforted them for their dead.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

of daughters and trash cans




Today May 16, my daughter has been gone for 4 days now. Maxine was actually here in Toronto with me for a whole month's vacation away from school in Manila. I am terribly missing her.

I have been in Toronto since June 24, 2006 for further training in neonatology and will be here for a total of three years. It was a very hard decision to make though. My family (hubby and three kids) still stay in Manila. It is a long story. One that I will tackle by and by in this blog.

Maxine came on April 11, a cold spring day and warmed my heart the moment I held her in my arms at the airport as I met her there. I am amazed at how much she has grown since I saw her last December in Manila. Unlike life in Manila where she was waited on hand and foot, she easily settled into doing chores around my apartment. Part of her tasks was to take the trash out and this she did without any qualms. The moment she sees the trash filling up, she tells me to tie the bag up and she will take it to the chute. It was a daily routine. And now I miss it.
Silly now as it may sound, but I see the trash can and I feel my eyes getting teary. How I miss my daughter.