Toronto living

On a daily basis, I try to think of things why it is good to be living and working here in Toronto. I do this maybe just to ease the pain of being so far away from my loved ones. The stuff I have here are far from being deep. Mababaw lang kaligayahan ko. So, here goes and not in any particular order..

1. Canadians are very warm and supportive...at least those whom I have met and made friends with.
2. There are a lot of parks dotting the city. I see a lot of dogs around but you don't see any sign that they've been there.
3. I barely see and smell pollution.
4. If you work hard enough, you can play harder. Earning a thousand dollars goes a long way than earning a thousand pesos for sure.
5. Related to number four, I can indulge myself in a passion...shoes! Electronics come in a close second.
6. Winners! If you've been here, you'll know this shop. It is a discount store for designer labels.
7. There are a lot of public holidays. I think there is always a long weekend every month.
8. The best hot peanut chicken is in Spadina Garden restaurant just round the corner from my building.
9. Transportation via TTC around the city is easy.
10. I am nurturing a different aspect of myself, the side of me that never really got to live as a single person.

Lastly, I am hopeful that because I am doing what I do here, it will be the better for my profession back home and most of all, for my family.

Sigh!

today's special: LOMI

Somebody asked me today how come my firstborn's name is Lomi.
Well, actually it is his nickname.
Why on earth did we choose a nickname reminiscent of the popular Filipino noodle dish?
Let me tell the story.
I was a medical intern doing community medicine rotation at the farming town of Laurel, Batangas. It was beautiful there really. Coconut trees towered, fields of corn as far as the eye can see and the wind rustling through them somewhat orchestrating a very calming sound. The people were simple, easy to chatter and opened their lives and homes to us generously. It was an area quite untouched by the excesses seen in Manila which I guess, in some part, was due to the still very rough roads there at the time. Motorcycles and horses were quite in vogue.
At this time, I was 16 weeks pregnant. Jun was driving me back after a weekend spent in Manila. The huge craters in the road was a difficult terrain for our Toyota sedan to conquer but my husband forged on, determined to bring me to my destination at least in air conditioned comfort. Now there was this particularly huge pothole in the middle of the road that Jun could not possible maneuver around so the car literally dove into it and we heard the chassis grinding sound with the earth. It was nerve wracking! In that instant, I had my quickening, the very first time I felt our baby move!! The baby probably was stirred by all the racket going on. I let out a gasp and Jun looked over to me in deep concern. I told him I felt our baby move for the very first time and he quickly placed his hand over my belly. It was an exciting time. Just by the roadside was a carinderia -- a little eatery. There was a sign out by the window. Today's special: LOMI. We thought, how appropriate. It was a special time and place. Right there and then, Jun and I agreed that if our first baby were to be a boy, he was going to be Lorenzo Miguel, Lomi for short.
Now as I look back, I had no idea how prophetic that signage was. Lomi is indeed special in every way.

conjugal chronicles issue 2

Being a parent is the most difficult job. That's why I figure, God made it so that there would be two parents for every child. A tag team partnership...mom feeling low? dad will take up the cudgels and vice-versa. So I can just imagine how doubly difficult it is for single parents. This is exactly the situation Jun finds himself in now. When I was in Manila, together we played different roles in our children's lives. Now he has adapted to mold all of those in himself (he really tries). It is incredible to hear stories of how he had yet survived (barely at times) another day. From trying to curb Lomi's insatiable appetite and his kakulitan, to Maxine's at times confusing emerging "tween" phase and Nikki's evolving ambition it seems of becoming a stuntgirl. And these are just on the surface. He told me one time, "Hirap mama. Dumadami na puting buhok ko." We had a deal in the past before I came here to Toronto. At any point in time that he asks me to come back for any reason at all, I will go. No questions asked. I feel for him. "Do you want me to come home na?" "Hindi mama. Ikaw naman. Tapusin mo yan. Nagsasabi lang ako pero kaya pa." He may not be the man of steel but he is my man of mettle.

paranoia

I had a terrible blinding headache this morning. The kind that just makes me want to pull the blinds down and bury my head under the pillows. Add to the fact that I was in need of some premium sleep time being post call. But no can do. I had the most ingenious idea of booking my US visa interview this same day. Arrggghhhh!
Gulping down three advil with a shot of milk, I somewhat functioned. Showered, dressed, made myself up to look far from what I felt. And then I was off.
Normally, I would just walk to my destination, the US consulate office was just about a couple of blocks away. I took the subway instead. When I got there, a single security officer was standing outside. A far cry from the usual mob scene outside the embassy in Manila. After checking my passport and papers, he asked if I had a cellphone etc. As a force of habit now, I had absentmindedly clipped my pager on to my belt loop. "Well, I have a pager." There was a faintest trace of irritation in his reply. "Why do you have a pager? Pagers aren't allowed. Do you have ID?" Goodness, I felt like I was to be charged with a federal offense. Are they paranoid or am I? He led to me to another security officer who was seated behind a window. "Show him your ID." Good thing I had all my three work badges. The second officer seemed impressed and said, "So you're a doctor. Are you on call?" In my mind, I was thinking that would be the farthest thing I wanted to be right now. "I actually stepped out of hospital to come here." "Oh, okay. So you are on call then." Fine. If that was how he wanted to put it. As they allowed me through, there were two other security officers inside who singled me out and said, "Ma'm, you're the one with the pager, right? The doctor on call." Yes. Yes. Guilty. Doctor post call more like it. My head was dull and heavy.
I waited for my turn with the consul. There was a roomful of people. Great. I wondered how long this was going to take. My mind half asleep, I heard my name called. I got up thinking that I was going to be done soon. Wrong. I had myself fingerprinted. No messy ink here, only a direct print scanner which I guess inputs it directly to a computer database. OOOooohhhh...scenes out of CSI. I now have a permanent record with the US government. Somewhat I had felt my privacy had been invaded. I took my seat again. One and a half hours later, "Philippine passport...Donna Capili." For all that wait, my interview was done in three minutes. Yun na? Anyway, who am I to complain? The moment I got home, my head was buried deep again in the pillows. Ah, blissful sleep.

coming clean

I think I am developing an addiction.
I am almost too ashamed to admit it.
It started one night when I was online. I was seated in front of my trusty Dell and enveloped by darkness with only some illumination coming from the glare of the screen.
I was sent a link to watch a video and my eyes became glued and I wanted to see more. Bodies close together, moving in unison, dramatic expressions, hands melded and with almost always the perfect music to set the mood. I was hooked. I will be up til late at night just transfixed and amazed at the flexibility of the human body.
Now, now, before thoughts go wandering off and I can imagine kinky minds thinking that I have developed a taste for sex videos. Que horror! I am not that desperate (LOL!). What I refer to is a growing addiction to watching "So You Think You Can Dance" clips on youtube.I am just mesmerized (and okay, I admit it, envious) that there are people who are naturally endowed with the grace and fluidity of movement. Darn it! I want to be like that too. I may not be born with it but I sure can learn ( or at least try ).
So, Jun, when I get back, we are taking ballroom classes. Please?

pick up at the drugstore

I was at a local drugstore last week. I was running low on hair care supply and needed to replenish. My timing could not be more perfect. They had my brand on sale at 2.99 CAD from the usual 5.99 CAD. Great. I was lost in decision making. Hmmm...should I be getting the cleanse and mend shampoo combo with the moist conditioner or just take the combo moist shampoo and conditioner...my thoughts were deeply engaged. As you can see this was serious. A woman's hair is her crowning glory after all. Then came a voice from nowhere.
"So which is the better product?" Huh? It was a Caucasian guy holding a different brand shampoo, clean cut, probably in his mid-twenties or so, with a nice smile. Kinda cute.
I said, "It really depends on what you are looking for."
To which he said, "Your hair's great." I preened at that.
"Well, thanks. If you think my hair's great, try my brand then." And I left it there, moving away as I got back to thinking which purchase to make.
"So, would you like to go for a cup of coffee? You're not with anyone now, are you?"
I was completely taken aback but kept my cool.
I replied with a smile, "Oh, that's very nice of you to ask (then flashing my wedding band) but my husband is just coming to pick me up in a while. I'm married. Thanks anyway."
"Oh, ok. Really, I didn't think you were...didn't mean to trouble you. Have a good day." He was smooth and he stepped away.
"Have a nice day yourself." My smile further deepened almost into a laugh as I thought to myself, he would have been really floored had he known that I have three kids as well.
Funny. Of all the places to strike a conversation and attempt to hook up. Hmmm...but it felt good to be appreciated in a way. So glad this encounter happened on the day of my birthday. A boost for my ego as I turned a year older. Who knew?

kitchen tales

Today I had felt different.
Truth to tell since Maxine and my parents left in May, I lost all taste for cooking much to Pat's dismay. I have subsisted on ceral, milk and granola bars. Any cooking (and I use this term loosely) I did only involved frying spam, sausages, weiners or bacon. Does using the rice cooker count?
Since two and a half months ago, I had not ventured into Chinatown til this afternoon. I picked up some meat, chicken, chayote, bok choy, string beans, snap peas, strawberries and longgan. What am I going to cook? I have no idea. I can make the the old reliable sinigang, adobo, nilaga and tinola. Apart from these, I make my "no name" recipes. These are one time dishes I make by tossing some ingredients together and voila!..a creation (surprisingly edible each time) that I may never replicate again. One such example is a peanut sauce I had made to go with some steamed spinach. Maxine liked it so much that she was asking for me to send her the recipe via email so she can ask ate Narcing to make it for her. Now, the problem with that is...duh!
So what did I make tonight? Well, to actually go to market was a big step. I wasn't feeling at all that exuberant to experiment in the kitchen. See if you can guess...pork let to boil in water, with tomatoes, bok choy, string beans, radish and patis. Getting warm now?
Bon appetit!

birthday at Joe Mamas

Last night, I went out with friends to celebrate. Joe Mamas is a southern style restaurant at the heart of King street. Stepping in, it had felt just right. The lights were dimmed with tea lights flickering all around. The crowd's like thirty-something out for a laid back and relaxed atmosphere. Above the chatter, the DJ was playing a repertoire of jazzy fusion sounds. We sat just in front of the small stage. Brown Sugar was playing tonight. The food was decidedly New Orleans and how can I go wrong with baby back ribs? I was right. I had eaten the most amazing baby back ribs! Tender, peeling off the bone, juicy, tasty and with the added bonus of having been soaked in a bourbon based marinade...yum! The cozy ambience was given a livelier rhythm when Brown Sugar's pop and RNB covers just hit the right spots. They treated us with the sounds of Marvin Gaye, the Police, Norah Jones and the previously black then mocha eras of Michael Jackson. We were singing, swaying and dancing in our seats. No worries. Just a good time. I had my own little birthday cake slice with a candle on top of it while being seranaded with a birthday ditty by the band. Great company, food and music. Thanks to Pat, Monette, Sheena and Serena. It was a wonderful evening.

Deep

I came across something today as I was rummaging through the endless rows of books at WBB. There was a little self help book that I was scanning and inscribed on a page was, "Life is not looking for the path you were meant to take but life is all about creating the path you want to take." Whoa! Deep man. I figured, I have always known (maybe) it to be so but this certainly yanks me back to perspective. This is my moment of enlightenment for the day.

ears peeled

Since today is my birthday, there is always room for some introspection. For some reason, I always remember my preparatory school teahcer Ms. Ancheta. Talk about teachers leaving an indelible mark...she surely did on me.
To lay out the background, I attended a Roman Catholic school run by nuns for all my primary years. In those days, strict really meant STRICT. Even for a bunch of children just right out of being toddlers.
My class was noisy. What do you expect out of a mingling of 4 and 5 year olds? Our teacher had just stepped out and upon coming back saw us in a complete disarray about our homeroom. I guess I was particularly exuberant and more importantly, I did not notice her presence. "Donna, sit down." I froze, took a slow turn and scurried to my seat. Ms. Ancheta was shaking her head. "I told all of you to be quiet." There was a hush in the room. She then proceeded to make two circles on the board. And added circles for eyes, circles for ears and so on and then came up with two faces. Under one face, she wrote my name and underneath the other, her favored pupil's name. She further illustrated, "See here, (she drew an arrow going into the ear of her favored one) when I say something, she listens. When I say keep quiet, it stays in her head (and proceeds to draw a straight line blocking the exit off the other ear). Very good (favored one)." And then she moved to the next face. "Now, this, Donna, what I say goes in (drawing a similar arrow through my ear) and yet it just slips through and out the other ear (drawing an arrow going out my other ear). This is not good. If you do not learn how to listen, you will never learn." Ouch! I felt that I was diminishing by the second. It left such an impression on me.
But Ms. Ancheta should see me now. I proved her wrong. I have learned...even with selective listening.

3 + 4 = 7

Just one day more and it will be exactly 34 years ago when I came to be on this earth. I have been told many times that this is a lucky year for me. Why? Well, I was born on the seventh month, on the seventh day and now, it is the seventh year of the 21st century. So it is a triple seven combo. Add to that the fact that I am 34 years old this year and 3 + 4 = 7. I wonder how this will play out. Is there really such thing as luck? I am keeping my fingers crossed with a lot of help from the Almighty, of course.

my indispensible things in Toronto

It has been a year since I came here. I realize that to survive here, these are key for me.
1. My laptop - without this, I would be totally in disconnect with my family.
2. Internet connection - of course, as essential as number 1.
3. Phone cards - truly a genius innovation. Before I ever got numbers 1 and 2, these cards were my lifeline.
4. Granola bars - I have gone on days without eating a substantial meal and only fuelled by these bars. Mind you, I have to take at least one every 4-6 hours.
5. Jergen's lotion and neutrogena moisturizer with spf 30 - I used to hate applying this back home where it is very humid and hot. Here though, it is very essential or else suffer the skin rivaling the dried leaves in the old Camay commercials.
6. Milk and cereal - this is usually my main meal of the day -- breakfast! or lunch or even dinner.
7. Comfy walking shoes - no such thing as driving here for me. Parking is ridiculously expensive. It is walk, walk, walk, walk!!
8. Aussie line of shampoo and conditioner - since I don't get to indulge in my parlor habit here (they are so pricey...shudder), I have to buy stuff off the pharmacist's shelves and this line has worked wonders for me. Add to this the hair dryer which is my staunch ally in taming my wavy hair.
9. Ibuprofen - I have needed to pop a couple all in one time for the meanest of headaches!
10. My digital camera - always ready to snap up wonderful memories.

There are a couple of things more but these came first to my mind. Oh and of course, my ATM card...this goes without saying.

senti

The Journey...sung by Lea S. (my personal theme song)

Half the world is sleeping
Half the world's awake
Half can hear their hearts beat
Half just hear them break

I am but a traveler
Been most everywhere
Ask me what you want to know

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see your better day
I won't let the darkness in
What a journey it has been

I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow
I can only guess
Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow
Foward, always foward I go

Foward, always foward
Onward, always up
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup

What a journey it has been

the big wheel

Imagine riding a giant ferris wheel. As it turns slowly, you enjoy the view and the whiff of the breeze on your face. And then you get suspended at the top and at various heights for periods of time. At this point, you just start feeling antsy and want to go down. But you can't, you have to wait for your turn. No sense jumping off, you will have to ride it out. This is exactly what I felt this past weekend. I did four in-hospital calls every other night twice for 16 and 24 hour shifts each and it was crazy tiresome to say the least. I have been tagged to have bad call karma. Read: busy, busy, busy = sick, sick, sick patients (this is putting it lightly). A smile cracks on my weary face as I see twilight outside. I look forward to going home. Jun picks me up from the hospital. He asks me how it went and tells me how the kids were last night. We arrive home and my kids rush toward me showering hugs and kisses. Maxine asks, "Ok ka lang mama? Miss kita kagabi" Lomi says,"I want to go to Bulacan." and Nikki squeals, "Mama, mama! Watch Barney!!" The food is laid out on the table. It is breakfast. Sinangag, eggs sunny side up and yummm...tender juicy tasty..Purefoods hotdog + Papa catsup! and, oh...special beef tapa from Mrs Villegas in Farmers Market. Tampico orange juice. Tsokolate con mani. Still warm and freshly baked pandesal from Tinapayan and Magnolia butter. Saging na senyorita and quiat quiat to finish. I get up from the table knowing that nanay Linda or Narcing will clean up and do the dishes. I waft towards the upstairs. Jun has the hot water ready for me. He gently soothes and eases the knots in my neck and back as I relish my bath. I feel utterly at peace and relaxed. I am lulled to sleep, like a newborn babe. I am rejuvenated. Then I blissfully wake up. At first, my eyes focus on the seemingly unfamiliar white walls. It is unbelievably quiet. Reality bites. I am here in Toronto. My tummy grumbles. I am still wearing the grubby scrubs I have worn from the overnight call. I have slept on the sofa. Too tired to have crawled further to my bed. My muscles ache and my joints stiff. Sigh. Have to get up. Muster up the energy to cook and nourish myself. Hmmm...spam? sausage? Same old, same old. Times like these, I get miserable. Miserable tired and miserable homesick = miserable sad.
The big wheel will turn. I will get off soon.