the big wheel

Imagine riding a giant ferris wheel. As it turns slowly, you enjoy the view and the whiff of the breeze on your face. And then you get suspended at the top and at various heights for periods of time. At this point, you just start feeling antsy and want to go down. But you can't, you have to wait for your turn. No sense jumping off, you will have to ride it out. This is exactly what I felt this past weekend. I did four in-hospital calls every other night twice for 16 and 24 hour shifts each and it was crazy tiresome to say the least. I have been tagged to have bad call karma. Read: busy, busy, busy = sick, sick, sick patients (this is putting it lightly). A smile cracks on my weary face as I see twilight outside. I look forward to going home. Jun picks me up from the hospital. He asks me how it went and tells me how the kids were last night. We arrive home and my kids rush toward me showering hugs and kisses. Maxine asks, "Ok ka lang mama? Miss kita kagabi" Lomi says,"I want to go to Bulacan." and Nikki squeals, "Mama, mama! Watch Barney!!" The food is laid out on the table. It is breakfast. Sinangag, eggs sunny side up and yummm...tender juicy tasty..Purefoods hotdog + Papa catsup! and, oh...special beef tapa from Mrs Villegas in Farmers Market. Tampico orange juice. Tsokolate con mani. Still warm and freshly baked pandesal from Tinapayan and Magnolia butter. Saging na senyorita and quiat quiat to finish. I get up from the table knowing that nanay Linda or Narcing will clean up and do the dishes. I waft towards the upstairs. Jun has the hot water ready for me. He gently soothes and eases the knots in my neck and back as I relish my bath. I feel utterly at peace and relaxed. I am lulled to sleep, like a newborn babe. I am rejuvenated. Then I blissfully wake up. At first, my eyes focus on the seemingly unfamiliar white walls. It is unbelievably quiet. Reality bites. I am here in Toronto. My tummy grumbles. I am still wearing the grubby scrubs I have worn from the overnight call. I have slept on the sofa. Too tired to have crawled further to my bed. My muscles ache and my joints stiff. Sigh. Have to get up. Muster up the energy to cook and nourish myself. Hmmm...spam? sausage? Same old, same old. Times like these, I get miserable. Miserable tired and miserable homesick = miserable sad.
The big wheel will turn. I will get off soon.