dilemma

I came home with my mind heavy with a moral dilemma. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
As I enter the door, I make for my laptop and turned it on.
My sister-in-law sent me an email with a youtube link.
She had filmed Nikki as they were looking at some of my pictures with Maxine on her recent visit with me.
Once my image turned up in any of the photos, Nikki would point at the screen and exclaim,"Mama there!" She had a big smile on her face.
That was it.
It tipped me over.
I started to cry.
Ano nga ba ginagawa ko sa pag-aatupag sa mga bata dito? Ano nga ba'ng buhay ang magkakaron sila? Ito ba ang gusto kong gawin pag-uwi ko? Samantalang pano naman ang mga anak ko?..nauulila sa nanay nila...
I so want to go home. Now.
Pat says I am just crazy tired. Maybe...or not.
Please Lord, enlighten me. Amen.