Recently I have been busy with a research project. A big part of it now is recruiting subjects. With an enganging and confident smile, I have introduced myself to countless parents and impart words quite ingrained to my brain. Something must be working because I have not been refused yet. But I almost did.
The father looked haggard, the bags under his eyes were sagging. The mother looked uncertain and a bit afraid. Their daughter has generalized hypotonia. Since birth, that is three weeks ago and many tests later, there is still no clue as to why. I can understand their frustration but cannot begin to imagine what it is they are feeling.
I approached. They seem to be guarded. I had the sinking feeling that they were not going to consent. Mom turns her back and tends to their baby. Dad continued to face me. He seemed all tensed up and ready to recoil...I did not want to be in his path. I start my talk. He had a lot of questions. After a while, we were not talking about the study anymore. I just felt that he needed to talk to someone. So I gamely chatted with him. And slowly, I felt his layers coming off. He was genuinely unsure and even scared. I felt for him and his wife. I did not even notice the time, more than an hour had passed. I did not care any more about the consent. I just wanted them to feel a little bit at ease.
"Since this whole thing happened, I realized that all that is important is right here, right now. So I have thought about it, I will begin to volunteer at the hospital near our place. Whatever problems there are in the world, there are sick people and their families who have it harder than most."
I smiled and said, "That is a great thing. The best gift you can actually give another person is time...make them realize that they matter, that they are worth it."
And he smiled back at me.
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