grace

Having just talked about endings, my thoughts could not help but drift to my mom.
In what I would like to think of as her last conscious moments, when we called her name, she would momentarily open her eyes and seemed to nod her head. But always, always she would put up her right hand and feebly gesture what I made out to be the sign of the cross. Three days earlier to this, she could still speak.

My mom is a creature of habit. Even while at the hospital, in the mornings, I would give her a sponge bath, then apply her baby powder using her polvera (older than me) followed by a change and her dress up. I would massage her limbs and then she gets breakfast...not that she ever really broke her fast. All she could manage to eat was about 4 or 5 pieces of strawberry and perhaps 3 to 4 spoons of taho or oatmeal. It took a lot of cajoling to have her eat more. It was our ritual. I would help her brush her teeth which she insisted on doing, quivering hands and all. And then she was all set.
"Pakiabot nga ang prayers ko." My mom suffered through it all for the most part. But she never forgot. She never forgot to be thankful and to humbly accept that God is the greatest power. She had a set of prayers but one was her favorite. She was able to utter them all by herself.

Three days earlier to this, she could still speak. But then, she was not really quite there to start up a sensible conversation. She was coming and going. And she did not ask for her prayers. I knew it was not good. I started to read her prayers to her. My eyes fill with tears as I remember how she would mouth the words as I recited, words that rang true from her heart, from her being ...even in her state then. Though it is a prayer for the sick, I felt an overwhelming sense of surrender and grace as I read.

Heavenly Father,
I call on you right now in a special way. It is through your power that I was created.
Every breath I take, every morning I wake, every morning of every hour, I live under Your power.
Father, I ask you now to touch me with that same power.
For if you create me from nothing, you can certainly recreate me.
Fill me with the healing power of your spirit.
Cast out anything that should not be in me. Mend what is broken.
Root out any unproductive cells. Open broken arteries or veins and rebuild damaged areas.
Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection.
Relax compressed lungs to normalize breathing and prevent coughing.
Let the warmth of your healing love pass through my body to make new any unhealthy areas so that my body will function you created it to function.
And Father, restore me to full health in my mind and body so that I may serve You the rest of my life.
I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

I say this prayer now. I feel connected with her. In the end, she showed the grace of acceptance and for this, she is enjoying a new beginning somewhere.